threwout

i threw out my back again today. the first time, i had carried an oven by myself- the cause was obvious. this time, however, was a bit more ambiguous.. just a little over a week of minor back pain and then some accute pain, and then this morning it really hurt. i cant really even remember this morning other than freezing in pain a few times thinking i might not move for a while. here i am, laying across the bench seat of my truck struggling to open the glovecompartment to retreive a bottle of homeopathic pills, 10 in the morn on a saturday (first saturday i havent worked in a month), and im gonna have to yell for help or just lie in the stinky dusty pickup cabin. i relaxed enough to make it back to the house, but the fear of invalidity caused my muscles to tense more, and before i knew it, i had disfigured myself, and was quasimoto-ing and wailing my way up the stairs to collapse at the side of the bed, requiring a series of shoves and rolls and drags to get my screaming ass in.

what a wonderful girlfriend i have- to put up with my emotional breakdown as i bind my back in fear and psychosomatica and pain, and then massage it and bring me medicine, alleving (pun unintended, but good anyway) my pharmacophobia and stiffness. then a breakfast on a tray- complete with whippedcream an blueberries. and her sweet daughter reads the first three chapters of a harrypotter volume to distract and calm me.

yesterday, i could gripe on in exhaustion about a number of things... today, i have a partially functional back, and i feel at home. accepted as is. loved.
maybe i even feel empowered.