bakadornk

blablabalaaaa
foolofflloffllfoffa
mikiaka ki ki kaakami
orka borka morka falorka
mooshki booshki ablooki niki
fonka lonka donka manonka dornk
moshka mi mow fowshka borka fadornk
washka badokka mooki farooki falornkda nornkda!

burrito man

went to a dream retreat last weekend; a toltec mitote...
dreaming with intention.
we took one of our dreams, and wrote a poem from the view of someone else in that dream.

i am the burrito man
i cook with love
i serve with love
i give to those who ask
and to those who do not beleive
in what i do, i send love
and i love those who do not ask
and wait patiently for their arrival

i do this from my heart
to heal others hearts
this is the path i always walk
and will walk always

after we wrote, we learned that jung says that everyone in your dreams is you.
i concur.

this is TK427; situtation normal

west coast? phoo. i'd like an exec to take a big shit on right now, no, fuck that. waste of my feces- its better off composting. ill sure as hell spit in their greedyass eyes, though.
we're lookin for a house. to live in the city, (4 mi radius or so) we have to spend a third to half a million dollars. and that gets us a house thats in need of repairs, and hardly any yard. cause all the lots that had space, well they get bought within 2 days of listing by large developers who bulldoze the existing structure without salvage, and flatten the land, and ruin any existing habitat to throw up cheap ass enviornmentally irresponsible multifamily dwellings. im allll alll for density, this urban sprawl has got to stop, but so does the destruction of the last vestiges of undisturbed land in the concrete jungle.
im remodeling, so at least im not building new structures, but almost all of the wood i use is not sustainably harvested and is laminated with formaldahyde based glues that pollute heavily at the mill and off gas in the house and all over me when i cut it. in the house im currently working on, we put in pine flooring that was made from salvaged timbers- OVER an existing fir floor that was beautiful. and this house will be bulldozed in ten years. its just a showcase for the architect who will bill herself as using sustainable practices. hmph.
is this better than the sprawl ass cookie cutter homes i worked on in colorado?
i exploit the forests of the world so that i can 'buy' a home whose price is inflated by suitwearing jackasses bent on stuffing their pockets with no regard for anyone, even their children.
soo...
everythings normal, i guess.

heat seekin

i been hankerin, longing for the heat, the nights where i can cruise around till 3 in a tshirt under the orange glow of the moon and streetlights, breakin a little cooling sweat as i crank down on the pedals of my bike powered by the bbq i had hours earlier.
in the moments and years of playin in the texas heat, it never inkled that i might one day look back on it romantically. here ive been, though, safe in my left coast organic bubble, wishin i had just one texas day.
i'd go for a drive. maybe with a joint, maybe with a can of drpepper. all windows down, even when the road gets dusty. just whizzing by waving grass and decrepid semi-abandoned outbuildings and inbuildings and fallen signs and barbedwire. ancient staring glaring longhorn cattle. go get some bbq from a side of the road shack or in an old smoky rebuilt redecked reporched expanded elongated grub barn with yellow news clippings and photos in a compounded cram on the walls, cobwebs full of dust and cigarette ash, old man waitin for your order in a rickety recliner behind the greasy counter.
go barefoot on the screaming fizzing asphalt to assist in the cooking-off of the recently ingested gutbomb, to any store on the square just to meander around for a bit enjoying the bliss of air-conditioned digestion.
sit on the porch and watch the yahoos gaggle around as a thunderhead rolls in, gently sucking up the stagnant hot air and pushing the sun to a saturated concentration where it searches for a balance between succumbing to the approaching big greygreenblack buffalo and running fast to the other side of the horizon. but with feet on the porchrail, exhausted dog underneath, it's hypothesized that the sun wants to hold its ground as the cloud elastically pushes through it, then it can blast back out the other side with the kinetic energy of all the passing friction, and throw all that extra energy down on our heads in protest to bighaired ladies' attempts to run and hide in freon malls and inflated SUVs.
and after the big yellow sets in a pink and purple horizon stew, we'll keep on, fueled by a refreshing wade and wander in an overgrown creek, and the excitement of the impossibility of heatexhaustion. the streets are dead, and the critters are out, and the plants are singing relief and the grass is cool earth is warm- just right for a spontaneous starviewin party. whistle with a grass blade an holler at the moon. with a good ol pal.

threwout

i threw out my back again today. the first time, i had carried an oven by myself- the cause was obvious. this time, however, was a bit more ambiguous.. just a little over a week of minor back pain and then some accute pain, and then this morning it really hurt. i cant really even remember this morning other than freezing in pain a few times thinking i might not move for a while. here i am, laying across the bench seat of my truck struggling to open the glovecompartment to retreive a bottle of homeopathic pills, 10 in the morn on a saturday (first saturday i havent worked in a month), and im gonna have to yell for help or just lie in the stinky dusty pickup cabin. i relaxed enough to make it back to the house, but the fear of invalidity caused my muscles to tense more, and before i knew it, i had disfigured myself, and was quasimoto-ing and wailing my way up the stairs to collapse at the side of the bed, requiring a series of shoves and rolls and drags to get my screaming ass in.

what a wonderful girlfriend i have- to put up with my emotional breakdown as i bind my back in fear and psychosomatica and pain, and then massage it and bring me medicine, alleving (pun unintended, but good anyway) my pharmacophobia and stiffness. then a breakfast on a tray- complete with whippedcream an blueberries. and her sweet daughter reads the first three chapters of a harrypotter volume to distract and calm me.

yesterday, i could gripe on in exhaustion about a number of things... today, i have a partially functional back, and i feel at home. accepted as is. loved.
maybe i even feel empowered.

new post, create

my last post left off. just left off the most important chunk of information. the part that is less obvious than "shit's screwed up". the answer to the not often enough asked question: how do we proceed.
very simply. and this "we" can really irritate me kinda like "let's". so i'll just start with myself. i dont even know if im talking to anyone anyways. ha.

i move in the direction of my dreams. distance.. it matters not. there is no ultimate goal, just a way of walking. and i'll continue walking forever, so everything i do as i walk reacts with my enviornment to create my experience. i watch and note what occurs, and then i can adjust my behavior with the given enviornment to move in the direction of my dream. the proven theory of my experience.

the action.. belief. if i believe enough, it has happened. so i have to be careful and aware of what i believe in. if i believe im a clutzy dumbass, my feet and my brains follow. if i beleive that i can be a greater musician than i thought ive been, increase my attention and my musical communication skills and learn a foriegn rythmic and melodic set... and i follow the path of that belief and am dilligent about maintaining that path and my gait, i will. as soon as i loose faith, and dont redirect myself back to that path of beleif, my focus degrades, and it becomes increasingly harder for me to do these things. and it becomes harder for me to maintain my belief, and it becomes easier to fear myself and incompetancies and easy to fear other people and their belief.
belief works in both directions. i can beleive that it's possible to maintain and improve my body and its capabilities. or i can believe that its going to shit, degrading beyond my control. and if i foster either of these beliefs through my actions (all of which i am in complete control of, no matter the circumstance), then i manifest that belief; it comes into being.
this has been my experience. over and over again. and i watch others experience the same mechanics of belief in action.

so if a formula is needed for saving the world, i've found that this one works in my life:
dream of what you'd like to occur
believe in the entire possibility of that dream
believe in the ability to create that dream
walk towards that dream, in the vein of that dream, more often than you think you can.
if you wander off or fall on your ass, remember your dream and keep believing.
keep walking towards that dream, and keep dreaming. and keep walking.
simple.

get them doggies rollin..

a couple days ago, i put my american flag up in the basement (backwards, to signal distress), sort of as an impulsive benign provocation. but i've grown to enjoy the flag being up. after living in colorado during 9-11, and all those goddamn ribbons/stickers/inyerface advertising exploitation, i found the image of the american flag repulsive and nauseating.
now that one of america's great cultural nexii has been crippled and faces the threat of gentrification and extensive white-izing in the rebuilding process, i feel a huge wollop of pride for this country. no longer do i associate america with the bush administration and despise it because of its institutionalization, but i think of america as the exponential sum of the creativity and vibrance of its land and inhabitants.
so that flag that's down in my basement is starting to grow on me.. when i walk by it, i think of the stregth and power of the folks in this country to rise up from dire and oppressive circumstances and reform their world into something that works better- an organic entity, evolving out of necessity and belief.
i often am chided for my eternal optimism and idealism. but i deadfuckin seriously dont think i'd be alive today without it, and i know i wouldn't be living the wonderfully rich life that i do. and this country wouldnt have been founded and extensively explored by the folks that did it without idealism. [ yeah, they were a bunch of exploitative shitheads themselves, as per the euro-centric paradigm of their time. but they were working within what they knew and could see past, though it was limited sight.] the belief in something greater, something more integrative, has empowered countless humans to plow through juggernauts of ignorance and illusionary power over and over again, impossible odds and hellacious conditions, blahblah archetypal blabbering.......

i just think that in the communication age, where our technological web is starting to resemble the intraneural network, there is no reason we cant come together and act towards a common dream and real-ise it. the impossible odds really arent that impossible- we just need to trust ourselves and eachother and get out there and moove.

dirtwaves

this morn- woke up a minute before my alarm clock, as usual. hit snooze and when it expired, shut off the alarm. went back to sleep; the sake last night really took us out even though we were stuffed...
in the hour that i napped, i witnessed two earthquakes, i'm assuming the third was just a huge aftershock:
there was 20 or so of us, havin a grand time, making music, dancing and acting for ourselves, for the air, for the trees and critters that surrounded us for acres. i sensed an abberation, and stopped in the middle of reverie, and instinctively grabbed a wall. i remember shouting...
incidents of high danger and suddeness can blur your memories and alter your immediate focus- 'cause now everythingeverything is rushing through all of your senses without pause or replay.
...i grabbed someone and the ground was moving, the house was sliding, i wanted to make sure no one went off the posrch or out a window, the house was now a raft.
the earth settled, and we recovered. the second, i can only remember now as a gut feeling, that i knew better how to react, and that it was of similar magnitude.
i and a few others were driving out of town, or twixt towns, when the third hit, it was very quick, just a second or two, but it was enough to send a ripple through the non-suspended bridge so large that it threw our car into oncoming traffic. and the traffic didnt stop for the shock.

could have been that i read a cataclysmic calvin and hobbes strip yesterday... or it could've been another one of those dreams that i've had-- i'll find out in the next few days.